Lesbina waxes Brazilian

Hello my dears, merciful Zeus isn't it cold? I'm feeling the bitter bite on my nipples having come from Rio in the wee small hours after a whirlwind visit to my dear Clara DeVulva. She is still beavering away out there with her PhD. Always keen to further herself, Clara is an avid anthropologist of women's movements in Brazil. So when she called me up the other day and asked if I wanted to join her for some 'study time' I jumped at the chance. Partly because I'm forced to lie low now Winifred is back on the scene. By the way my arch nemesis ginger foe has her own blog now. I don't want to advertise it on here but as they say, keep your friends close, keep your enemas closer.

Have a sniff around her spoutings - http://winifredsparrow.blogspot.com/

So back to my weekend in the sun. Clara DeVulva led me there under false pretences, telling me it would be a couple of days relaxing by a pool, with every whim tended to by a sexy Brazilian with a penchant for the more mature lady garden. What followed was a haze of sex, drugs and revelry the likes I haven't experienced since the time I went on the road with The Spice Girls and came back smelling of Chisolm. I couldn't spit without hitting a mocha-skinned Goddess. My every waking (and sleeping) moment was spent attached to a hard body! And somewhere in the middle of it all we found time to enter Rio's first Drag King Contest. Check out my dear Clara's tribute to her Great Uncle Freddie Mercury below...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXxY1blRW8k

I was behind the camera on this one. My face ended up covered in terrible stubble rash (ironic, considering the way I got it) to the point where I was crowned winner the moment we walked into the marquee! Luckily they saw their mistake and the true King was crowned. All hail King Clara DeVulva.

So I've come home not only to freezing cold but to a terrible comedown. Sometimes I wonder how much more my nostrils can take, and how much longer I can pass off such excessive sinus problems in the world press as swine flu! Thank God Gordon Brown's handwriting has taken the heat off, I don't think the front pages are ready for Dykenhausen on a comedown. The country would be in an uproar I'm sure.

I'm going into hiding for a couple of days on my friend's boat down at the Marina. Fionnula Fudgefinger has kindly offered me the use of her floater home 'The Salty Seaman', and more importantly her cabin girl Estrogena. I imagine our nautical adventures will keep me warm until the icy mists roll back to where they belong. Birkenhead.

Until later my darlings x